they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
