I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
