thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
