Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
