You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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