I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
