well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
