im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
