do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
