I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
