Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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