I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
