YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
