Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
