So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Couch. On fire.
Randomize