I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
