you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize