Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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