we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
