Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize