He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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