:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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