people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
