you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
