when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
