Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
