Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
