I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
