wat bout pragnant strippers??
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
