It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
