It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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