Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
