Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
