Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
