made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
