Whod you bang
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
