It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He better not be in your backpack
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
