Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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