if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
