my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize