oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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