i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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