His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
