You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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