Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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