mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
