i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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