i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
