Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she pinky promised me she was 18
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize