It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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