do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
