Well apparently he's into motor boating.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When are your genitals available?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
