I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
