I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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