whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
