the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
