Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
