once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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