we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
