U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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