I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
