There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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