dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't deserve a penis
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
