She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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