I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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