halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
