She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
