i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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