I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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