first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
