Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
