This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
