You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize