Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
