She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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