Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And then he peed in my hair
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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