just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
