How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
