So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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