I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
