I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
