I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
