Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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