Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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