That's intense
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
