I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
