she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
