Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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