I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize