Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
