You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
