i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
