I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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