I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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