He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
