Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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