I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
